How often have we heard someone say, “Just let it go”? But it’s not that easy. We usually hold on tightly to relationships, ideas, expectations, and memories — sometimes without realizing that this kind of attachment can trap us mentally.
But what does it mean to let go?
It’s more than just “moving on.” Letting go means doing deep inner work. It involves grief, repeated patterns, and giving new meaning to what happened.
In Mourning and Melancholia, Freud talks about how our mind reacts when we lose something important. Grieving is a process where our inner world needs to adjust to life without what we lost. When this process gets stuck, it can turn into melancholy — a hidden, unconscious sadness that makes it hard to move forward. So, letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with the absence, without letting it become a heavy emptiness.
Many times, we can’t let go because we’re caught in unconscious patterns. Freud explained that we might repeat painful situations over and over again — like we’re stuck in the past. This shows up in toxic relationships, constant negative thoughts, or choices that bring the same kind of pain. As strange as it sounds, sometimes we hold on to pain because it feels familiar — even safe — and it becomes part of our identity. In these cases, letting go isn’t just about wanting to change, but understanding why we keep repeating the same story.
Lacan said that letting go means giving new meaning to our experiences. It’s not enough to forget or walk away. We need to understand what happened, talk about it, and see it in a new light. If we skip this step, what we don’t let go of comes back — maybe through similar situations or in emotional symptoms like anxiety or deep sadness.
Letting go is not weakness or giving up.
It’s a brave act. It means accepting that life is always moving. What once helped us may no longer serve us. And holding on to the past keeps us from living fully in the present. Letting go is choosing to believe that what’s ahead can be different — and maybe even better.
As Freud said, “When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” And that, without a doubt, is the true art of letting go.
Psych. Araceli Frias
Mexico City Psychotherapist.
psicologoshadla.com
Translated from Spanish by: Psych. Henzo, D.
